I hate this weekend. I love this weekend. I am torn between all that was amazing this weekend and what it preceded. I am in complete and utter shock at the loss I've had, and overjoyed at the time I had with friends. I guess they balance eachother. Perhaps thats while I don't feel anything at all, no pain, no joy, just the piano keys beneath my fingers and the weight of my shirt on my shoulders; it feels liks the world.
I need to sleep now. Good night,
Jonathan
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Reconciliation
At first... I thought I may have deserved it.
For the walk out I saw it coming, with each step leading to an imminent yet temporary doom. We walk on... away from the crowd... Accused... accused of... there should be a statute of limitations on things such as this... we arrive... You cannot accuse someone and threaten them based on a flaw in their personailty that no longer exists... I am pushed against the rear of a car... you cannot punish someone for a problem already roconciled.
"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent"
Tonight another incompetent approached me and offered me violence in exchange for becoming who I already am. Go ahead, beat my ass... fuck me up... "destroy" me... And his justification was that he was to punish me for something.... As If I hadn't punished myself enough over the last few years to "fix" myself and my flaws. He intended... in a sense... to execute a man who was once a part of me, a man who was already dead, slain by my thoughts and actions over the past year.
What little respect I had for him is lost. If he had followed through in fighting me, with or without the support of his group he'd brought, I doubt I would have fought back. It was trivial to me, even afterwards... Just another part of my day that could have gone better or could have gone worse. There is no point in dwelling on a problem that exists only in the mind of an incompetent.
Night,
Jon
For the walk out I saw it coming, with each step leading to an imminent yet temporary doom. We walk on... away from the crowd... Accused... accused of... there should be a statute of limitations on things such as this... we arrive... You cannot accuse someone and threaten them based on a flaw in their personailty that no longer exists... I am pushed against the rear of a car... you cannot punish someone for a problem already roconciled.
"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent"
Tonight another incompetent approached me and offered me violence in exchange for becoming who I already am. Go ahead, beat my ass... fuck me up... "destroy" me... And his justification was that he was to punish me for something.... As If I hadn't punished myself enough over the last few years to "fix" myself and my flaws. He intended... in a sense... to execute a man who was once a part of me, a man who was already dead, slain by my thoughts and actions over the past year.
What little respect I had for him is lost. If he had followed through in fighting me, with or without the support of his group he'd brought, I doubt I would have fought back. It was trivial to me, even afterwards... Just another part of my day that could have gone better or could have gone worse. There is no point in dwelling on a problem that exists only in the mind of an incompetent.
Night,
Jon
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Perseverance
I lay backwards on my bed, my feet entangled in pillows, begging me not to leave; so I don't. An artificial wind blows across my face and I lean towards the source, the fresh breeze plays with my hair. From here I see the valley laid out below me through the window, but that is not what has my attention. I'm fixated on a small object on the book shelf. I move to it.
A small globe filled with pure white sand, given to me by my father to help me understand the one characteristic I lacked in greatest abundance: perseverance. I set the sphere back on its stand, paying heed to the metal plaque on the side. There, engraved in the metal, is a saying, ages old, that has driven me since that day I first understood it...
"The power to shape your future is earned through persistence. No other quality is as essential to success. It is the sandpaper that breaks down all resistance and sweeps through all obstacles. It is the ability to move mountains one grain of sand at a time."
Pride in myself and all I do, as well as my never-ceasing efforts, define me over the last two years. Looking back at who I was and who I have become has shown nothing short of a monumental change in personality, I have matured. The change however has mostly taken part in the last four months. For once I have been persisting at something that I truly want for myself. Something I still refuse to give up on, even as things get harder and harder. Yet I realize... I realize that for every ounce of effort I put in, for every inch I climb higher on the ladder to success the greater the distance I can fall. I climb with the blind hope and belief that I can reach solid ground once more and rest there.
I've seen that people sometimes believe they don't deserve someone. It does not matter if you do not deserve someone; as long as you give them everything you can give, you will deserve them.... they will deserve you. There is only one place in the world where pure and total altruism can succeed, and that place is love.
“Try and fail, but don't fail to try.”
-Jon
A small globe filled with pure white sand, given to me by my father to help me understand the one characteristic I lacked in greatest abundance: perseverance. I set the sphere back on its stand, paying heed to the metal plaque on the side. There, engraved in the metal, is a saying, ages old, that has driven me since that day I first understood it...
"The power to shape your future is earned through persistence. No other quality is as essential to success. It is the sandpaper that breaks down all resistance and sweeps through all obstacles. It is the ability to move mountains one grain of sand at a time."
Pride in myself and all I do, as well as my never-ceasing efforts, define me over the last two years. Looking back at who I was and who I have become has shown nothing short of a monumental change in personality, I have matured. The change however has mostly taken part in the last four months. For once I have been persisting at something that I truly want for myself. Something I still refuse to give up on, even as things get harder and harder. Yet I realize... I realize that for every ounce of effort I put in, for every inch I climb higher on the ladder to success the greater the distance I can fall. I climb with the blind hope and belief that I can reach solid ground once more and rest there.
I've seen that people sometimes believe they don't deserve someone. It does not matter if you do not deserve someone; as long as you give them everything you can give, you will deserve them.... they will deserve you. There is only one place in the world where pure and total altruism can succeed, and that place is love.
“Try and fail, but don't fail to try.”
-Jon
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Fears
I have, in the last eighteen years of my life, come to the conclussion that everyone has fears. No matter what face someone may show you, what lies they may tell, they all fear something. I guess it wasn't until... sometime yesterday evening, that I discovered one of mine.
I have some of the more standardized fears. Among others are tight spaces, heights, snakes, spiders and a few I have trouble remembering until they occur. Death too. I fear this greatly, seeing it would be the end of my life and my existence, neither of which I want to lose. But the one I found yesterday I did not expect to be afraid of so much... losing at love.
So recently I have become more and more involved with a beautiful young girl. A girl I, at first, didn't believe I could ever deserve. Somehow she pulls out the best in me and makes me want to be "that guy" that's right for her. But that was just the beginning. As the last few months have gone on I merged these new characteristics into my personality and found I like who I am becoming, and so does she. So here I am, at the peak of my life so far, and not alone at it. She has helped me climb my mountain of challenges, and it hasn't been easy all the way. No relationship is perfect, most will encounter some sort of problem occasionally, if not frequently.
No two people are perfect for each other, many people often look at their parents and see that they get along without problems the majority of the time, if not all of it. And seeing this they say I want to wait for someone who will be my match like that... Relationships that are nearly perfect that are not 'found', they are built. People that are close enough where conflict rarely occurs have only gotten there by enduring conflicts in their past, and learned from them.
Last night I had far too many sleepless hours to think of whats happening lately. I'm scared. For myself, for her, for us.
"It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does."
-Jon
I have some of the more standardized fears. Among others are tight spaces, heights, snakes, spiders and a few I have trouble remembering until they occur. Death too. I fear this greatly, seeing it would be the end of my life and my existence, neither of which I want to lose. But the one I found yesterday I did not expect to be afraid of so much... losing at love.
So recently I have become more and more involved with a beautiful young girl. A girl I, at first, didn't believe I could ever deserve. Somehow she pulls out the best in me and makes me want to be "that guy" that's right for her. But that was just the beginning. As the last few months have gone on I merged these new characteristics into my personality and found I like who I am becoming, and so does she. So here I am, at the peak of my life so far, and not alone at it. She has helped me climb my mountain of challenges, and it hasn't been easy all the way. No relationship is perfect, most will encounter some sort of problem occasionally, if not frequently.
No two people are perfect for each other, many people often look at their parents and see that they get along without problems the majority of the time, if not all of it. And seeing this they say I want to wait for someone who will be my match like that... Relationships that are nearly perfect that are not 'found', they are built. People that are close enough where conflict rarely occurs have only gotten there by enduring conflicts in their past, and learned from them.
Last night I had far too many sleepless hours to think of whats happening lately. I'm scared. For myself, for her, for us.
"It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does."
-Jon
Monday, June 9, 2008
Of Lemons and Lemonade
So lets assume for a moment that lemonade is something bad, something you shouldn't make, drink or be involved with in anyway. Now let's also assume that Lemonade is the most addictive and appealing substance on the planet, as dangerous or wrong it may be, it is amazing to the consumer.
Now let's suppose one day Life looks at you and says, "Hey, lets give that guy a lemon and see what he does."
Could you, assuming the things above, not make lemonade?
Would you have the strength to overcome your desire to take the lemon and drink it? Would you be capable of setting it aside, for as long as necessary to overcome your desire? Or perhaps plant it and let it grow?
This evening I found I could.
I was given a shot at lemonade tonight and decided to wait it out. Lemonade is worth the time, right? The lemon is quite beautiful, enticing, but I think I am making the right choice, as great as lemonade is, I think I am beginning to prefer the company of this lemon.
Perhaps in the end, after planting this lemon, culturing it, caring for it and letting it grow; I can have both my lemon, and my lemonade, and that is definitely worth waiting for.
-Jon
Now let's suppose one day Life looks at you and says, "Hey, lets give that guy a lemon and see what he does."
Could you, assuming the things above, not make lemonade?
Would you have the strength to overcome your desire to take the lemon and drink it? Would you be capable of setting it aside, for as long as necessary to overcome your desire? Or perhaps plant it and let it grow?
This evening I found I could.
I was given a shot at lemonade tonight and decided to wait it out. Lemonade is worth the time, right? The lemon is quite beautiful, enticing, but I think I am making the right choice, as great as lemonade is, I think I am beginning to prefer the company of this lemon.
Perhaps in the end, after planting this lemon, culturing it, caring for it and letting it grow; I can have both my lemon, and my lemonade, and that is definitely worth waiting for.
-Jon
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Circumscriptive Existentialism
I feel that this week contained many more then seven days, the past three have felt like weeks in and of themselves. My mind stretches the time as I stress and panic about school, life, friends, love. Too many things have gone wrong this week, my future is tearing itself apart because of my lack of direction in everything. I've given a lot of thought to what I want to do lately, and it is still too soon for me to choose a direction I want to go in. This is going to be what I make it at some point, but for now it's too early.
Relationships are complicated in the simplest of details. The smallest thing can become the largest trivial argument, the most important things can be brushed off, never to be dealt with. I don't understand what it is that drives humans to be so backwards in their emotional logic. You cannot let your emotions in any way dictate your actions, rash action is never the answer.
Existentialism seems to be my ideal for this week. I can make of my life whatever I want to make, I can do anything I put my mind to, I control my own destiny. This would all be true except for the interference of the monarchy which is my parents. Last night I came home rather late, somewhere in the vicinity of the three o'clock hour. Needless to say I'm now grounded but I guess I can try to make the most of my time while I'm stuck at home.
And as for last night...
This 'dance', if you could call it that, was rather boring. Spent a great deal of time sitting and drinking punch and giving lap dances to Justin. That's how bored I was. Danced with some random people, but mostly the normal crew. After the dance we headed to Christian's to go hot tubbing only to discover that in our great planning process we had acquired a few more people then the hot tub could hold, so.... we left. Headed back to the house that Tamara house sits for on the weekend and hot tubbed there. Just Matt, Tamarra, Rachel and I.
Hot tubs have so many stereotypical things that happen in them, and we decided to follow this rule and play some truth or dare, the official hot tub game. Well there were two girls and two guys, so all hell broke loose. I think things proceeded in this order over the next few hours.
Me Truth: Told the story of my "first time."
Matt Truth: What really happened with Rachel Quick.
Me Dare: Kiss Matt.
Matt Dare: Give me a lap dance. (I dared him to do that one)
Rachel Truth?: Can't remember this one.
Jon Dare: Get naked and dance in the yard.
Somewhere in there Tamarra arrives.
Tamarra Truth: Will you go out with me? (Matt asking)
Tamarra: No.
Jon Dare: Receive a hickey from Matt, anywhere on my chest. (I refuse and get naked in the yard again instead)
and on and on and on.
It ended and I head home late and arrive to unhappy parents. Grounded.
Grounded.
I mean my parents... they punish me, completely understandable; learn my lesson, move on.
People outside punish me as well, as weird as that sounds.
Not to say its unfair, I do very much enjoy being punished.
“Men simply copied the realities of their hearts when they built prisons"
-Jon
Relationships are complicated in the simplest of details. The smallest thing can become the largest trivial argument, the most important things can be brushed off, never to be dealt with. I don't understand what it is that drives humans to be so backwards in their emotional logic. You cannot let your emotions in any way dictate your actions, rash action is never the answer.
Existentialism seems to be my ideal for this week. I can make of my life whatever I want to make, I can do anything I put my mind to, I control my own destiny. This would all be true except for the interference of the monarchy which is my parents. Last night I came home rather late, somewhere in the vicinity of the three o'clock hour. Needless to say I'm now grounded but I guess I can try to make the most of my time while I'm stuck at home.
And as for last night...
This 'dance', if you could call it that, was rather boring. Spent a great deal of time sitting and drinking punch and giving lap dances to Justin. That's how bored I was. Danced with some random people, but mostly the normal crew. After the dance we headed to Christian's to go hot tubbing only to discover that in our great planning process we had acquired a few more people then the hot tub could hold, so.... we left. Headed back to the house that Tamara house sits for on the weekend and hot tubbed there. Just Matt, Tamarra, Rachel and I.
Hot tubs have so many stereotypical things that happen in them, and we decided to follow this rule and play some truth or dare, the official hot tub game. Well there were two girls and two guys, so all hell broke loose. I think things proceeded in this order over the next few hours.
Me Truth: Told the story of my "first time."
Matt Truth: What really happened with Rachel Quick.
Me Dare: Kiss Matt.
Matt Dare: Give me a lap dance. (I dared him to do that one)
Rachel Truth?: Can't remember this one.
Jon Dare: Get naked and dance in the yard.
Somewhere in there Tamarra arrives.
Tamarra Truth: Will you go out with me? (Matt asking)
Tamarra: No.
Jon Dare: Receive a hickey from Matt, anywhere on my chest. (I refuse and get naked in the yard again instead)
and on and on and on.
It ended and I head home late and arrive to unhappy parents. Grounded.
Grounded.
I mean my parents... they punish me, completely understandable; learn my lesson, move on.
People outside punish me as well, as weird as that sounds.
Not to say its unfair, I do very much enjoy being punished.
“Men simply copied the realities of their hearts when they built prisons"
-Jon
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Sunday
I woke up at eleven thirty today.
That's the kind of Sunday that it started out to be.
I rolled out of bed and crawled to my closet clawing as high as I could to reach a shirt and some pants to wear, I found some socks on the floor. Last night really sucked the energy out of me. It's like my body left its headlights on when it went to sleep and I woke up drained. I managed to get down stairs, this involved a lot of falling and leaning on things. In the kitchen I found some pizza and I plopped it in the microwave, part of this complete breakfast. I don't understand the chemical make up of pizza but I guess it contained enough calories to pull me out of my stupor. I spent the rest of my morning and early afternoon lounging in front of my computer making music.
Making music is much harder then I ever thought, but at the same time very rewarding even during the journey of a song's creation. I don't know what I'm gonna title this thirty second masterpeice yet, I think I need to be more creative and write the rest of it later this week. Maybe throw in another instrument or two. I'll host it somewhere soon for anyone that wants to hear it. It's not long, and not great, but it's getting there.
After the music-making fun I switched to eating and watching a movie. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels has got to be one of the best classic comedy's every written, and Steve Martin is amazing. I could not stop laughing, especially at the parts where he plays Ruprick the retarded younger brother with a fixation for pots, pans and a deep fear of genital cuffs.
Somewhere around six I decided to drop by that girls house and hang out. Which I did. Arrived there earlier then expected and got the usual run down from the father, brief lecture and such. We headed back to the car and drove off with no particular destination in mind, which meant we ended up at the park. At the park we decided to take a walk, I had parked at the ice rink and we headed to the Lynden Tree Area. We chatted about daily life, friends, parents, I have a thing for small talk. We held hands, probably one of the three best feeling in the world. So much is symbolized within such a simple act; Trust, Comfort, Guardianship, Solace, Love.
We walked to the Lynden Tree Area and walked off behind the brush, into the tree's and open grass, hidden from view of the path. I layed on my back and the grass, staring at the sky while she played with grass and we talked about life, random stuff. Nothing important, but nothing trivial. I roll over and lay an arm across her back while she continues to play with the grass. I lay my head down as I listen to her speak. She moves closer to me and I pull her in with my arm and she struggles jokingly, we keep talking and pushing eachother around and I end up on my back with her kneeling beside me. She references how smooth her legs are today and I graze my hand over one of them; if you have ever swam with a dolphin and touched one, thats how smooth and soft her legs are. She extends one leg over me and sits on my lower abdomen, one leg on each side of my waist. Her wait is on my waist and I feel great as we sit and talk, my arms rest on her thighs while she stares down at me and we talk. She rests a hand on my shoulder and leans in and kisses me, soft, warm, her lips are full and soft, perfect, and she's getting good at using them. She breaks the kiss and leans up and we sit and talk more and more. She climbs off me and we lay in the grass and I stare at her as she fiddle's with some blades of grass.
She has grown in the last week, not physically of course, but emotionally. Today she is confident, she is open, no nervous staring or fidgeting. She looks me in the eyes, she speaks confidently, she takes control when necessary. I think at last I am beginning to see the real her, what she's like in her natural state of being.
We both kneel up and I face her as we talk more and I sit on my ankles. We play a bit with eachother as we talk and I eventually push her down on her back and sit on her as she had done to me. We talk a bit more and I grab her arms and lean down on her, pushing her arms above her head and into the grass, she closes her eyes in anticipation and I stop, hovering there for seconds, which seem like hours, she opens her eyes and looks at me, my face inches from hers. She wants it, but I'm forcing her to wait. She squirms beneath me, I laugh and press my lips to hers and loosen my grip on her wrists, we kiss, and kiss until I am out of breath and lean up from her. Lifting my leg around, I roll off her and onto my back in the grass again, we lay there until we realize what time it is and we head off, back to the car, hand in hand. We head back to her house and I let her change my radio station presets as we sit ourside her house in the car. She doesn't want to get home till exactly at eight, so we sit and talk for twenty minutes or so. I lean over and kiss her goodbye before she walks back into her house. I drive home, not daring to change the radio station from the one she had chosen.
I work more on my music for a while before writing here, it's coming along slowly, but it's getting there. Today is amazing, she is amazing. What better way to spend the rest of my evening then listening to Smash Mouth and talking with her. Happy music for a happy man? And what is the reason for this happiness?
She is the reason.
“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence"
Night,
-Jon
That's the kind of Sunday that it started out to be.
I rolled out of bed and crawled to my closet clawing as high as I could to reach a shirt and some pants to wear, I found some socks on the floor. Last night really sucked the energy out of me. It's like my body left its headlights on when it went to sleep and I woke up drained. I managed to get down stairs, this involved a lot of falling and leaning on things. In the kitchen I found some pizza and I plopped it in the microwave, part of this complete breakfast. I don't understand the chemical make up of pizza but I guess it contained enough calories to pull me out of my stupor. I spent the rest of my morning and early afternoon lounging in front of my computer making music.
Making music is much harder then I ever thought, but at the same time very rewarding even during the journey of a song's creation. I don't know what I'm gonna title this thirty second masterpeice yet, I think I need to be more creative and write the rest of it later this week. Maybe throw in another instrument or two. I'll host it somewhere soon for anyone that wants to hear it. It's not long, and not great, but it's getting there.
After the music-making fun I switched to eating and watching a movie. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels has got to be one of the best classic comedy's every written, and Steve Martin is amazing. I could not stop laughing, especially at the parts where he plays Ruprick the retarded younger brother with a fixation for pots, pans and a deep fear of genital cuffs.
Somewhere around six I decided to drop by that girls house and hang out. Which I did. Arrived there earlier then expected and got the usual run down from the father, brief lecture and such. We headed back to the car and drove off with no particular destination in mind, which meant we ended up at the park. At the park we decided to take a walk, I had parked at the ice rink and we headed to the Lynden Tree Area. We chatted about daily life, friends, parents, I have a thing for small talk. We held hands, probably one of the three best feeling in the world. So much is symbolized within such a simple act; Trust, Comfort, Guardianship, Solace, Love.
We walked to the Lynden Tree Area and walked off behind the brush, into the tree's and open grass, hidden from view of the path. I layed on my back and the grass, staring at the sky while she played with grass and we talked about life, random stuff. Nothing important, but nothing trivial. I roll over and lay an arm across her back while she continues to play with the grass. I lay my head down as I listen to her speak. She moves closer to me and I pull her in with my arm and she struggles jokingly, we keep talking and pushing eachother around and I end up on my back with her kneeling beside me. She references how smooth her legs are today and I graze my hand over one of them; if you have ever swam with a dolphin and touched one, thats how smooth and soft her legs are. She extends one leg over me and sits on my lower abdomen, one leg on each side of my waist. Her wait is on my waist and I feel great as we sit and talk, my arms rest on her thighs while she stares down at me and we talk. She rests a hand on my shoulder and leans in and kisses me, soft, warm, her lips are full and soft, perfect, and she's getting good at using them. She breaks the kiss and leans up and we sit and talk more and more. She climbs off me and we lay in the grass and I stare at her as she fiddle's with some blades of grass.
She has grown in the last week, not physically of course, but emotionally. Today she is confident, she is open, no nervous staring or fidgeting. She looks me in the eyes, she speaks confidently, she takes control when necessary. I think at last I am beginning to see the real her, what she's like in her natural state of being.
We both kneel up and I face her as we talk more and I sit on my ankles. We play a bit with eachother as we talk and I eventually push her down on her back and sit on her as she had done to me. We talk a bit more and I grab her arms and lean down on her, pushing her arms above her head and into the grass, she closes her eyes in anticipation and I stop, hovering there for seconds, which seem like hours, she opens her eyes and looks at me, my face inches from hers. She wants it, but I'm forcing her to wait. She squirms beneath me, I laugh and press my lips to hers and loosen my grip on her wrists, we kiss, and kiss until I am out of breath and lean up from her. Lifting my leg around, I roll off her and onto my back in the grass again, we lay there until we realize what time it is and we head off, back to the car, hand in hand. We head back to her house and I let her change my radio station presets as we sit ourside her house in the car. She doesn't want to get home till exactly at eight, so we sit and talk for twenty minutes or so. I lean over and kiss her goodbye before she walks back into her house. I drive home, not daring to change the radio station from the one she had chosen.
I work more on my music for a while before writing here, it's coming along slowly, but it's getting there. Today is amazing, she is amazing. What better way to spend the rest of my evening then listening to Smash Mouth and talking with her. Happy music for a happy man? And what is the reason for this happiness?
She is the reason.
“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence"
Night,
-Jon
Prom
Spent most of yesterday evening cleaning out the car and getting prepped for Prom. Somewhere around 7:15 I left for Rachel's house where we all met for pictures and such before dinner, which was at Applewood Grill by the Convention Center.
8:15: Arrive at the Applewood Grill and we are seated rather quickly.
8:30: Shoot a rubber band at the waiter just because it was there.
8:45: Finish eating my salad... with my fingers because they didn't give us any forks. This guy isn't getting a tip.
8:50: Josh is feeling sick, cramps and possibly a fever because he's feeling cold so he heads outside for a bit.
9:30: Food arrives, along with forks this time. I may tip the waiter after all.
9:45: After much running and holding up of dresses we arrive at Prom and enter, I shake somewhere in the realm of a billion hands, and I got a hug from Claire. I take off my jacket and leave it on a chair, unbuttoning my shirt a bit and loosening the sleeves and loosen my tie before I head out.
9:45: The dance floor is literally packed with people, I force my way into the heap, shaking hand after hand as I go until Tamarra and I are somewhere in the middle.
*Commence Dirty Dancing*
9:45: Dancing with Tamarra
9:48: Dancing with guy from History Class
9:52: Dancing with Blonde Girl (1)
9:55: Dancing with Mitch (Yup)
9:58: Dancing with guy from History Class again
10:02: Dancing with Brunette Girl (1)
10:06: Dancing with Karen
10:08: Got water
10:12: Dancing with Blonde Girl (2)
10:15: Dancing with Rachel
10:18: Dancing with Jasmine
........
12:00: Dance ends, we head out to Rachel's and lay around. Debate watching a movie and decide it would be more fun to sit on Rachel's bed and talk, which it was.
1:20: Josh heads home and we head to Wallgreen's to get food for Jasmine.
1:25: We leave Wallgreens, everyone has bought food, except Jasmine.
1:35: We arrive at Washington Park where we swing on the swings for a while and talk some more before some cop arrives and asks our ages and such and informs us the park closes at ten, we act surprised a Rachel's somewhere around 2:10.
2:15: We arrive at Rachel's and I drop everyone off before heading home and passing out.
11:30: I wake up to 11 text messages in my inbox...
I don't even know what to say about last night, I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it, my friends are awesome and so was Prom. A night I won't forget.
“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."
-Jon
8:15: Arrive at the Applewood Grill and we are seated rather quickly.
8:30: Shoot a rubber band at the waiter just because it was there.
8:45: Finish eating my salad... with my fingers because they didn't give us any forks. This guy isn't getting a tip.
8:50: Josh is feeling sick, cramps and possibly a fever because he's feeling cold so he heads outside for a bit.
9:30: Food arrives, along with forks this time. I may tip the waiter after all.
9:45: After much running and holding up of dresses we arrive at Prom and enter, I shake somewhere in the realm of a billion hands, and I got a hug from Claire. I take off my jacket and leave it on a chair, unbuttoning my shirt a bit and loosening the sleeves and loosen my tie before I head out.
9:45: The dance floor is literally packed with people, I force my way into the heap, shaking hand after hand as I go until Tamarra and I are somewhere in the middle.
*Commence Dirty Dancing*
9:45: Dancing with Tamarra
9:48: Dancing with guy from History Class
9:52: Dancing with Blonde Girl (1)
9:55: Dancing with Mitch (Yup)
9:58: Dancing with guy from History Class again
10:02: Dancing with Brunette Girl (1)
10:06: Dancing with Karen
10:08: Got water
10:12: Dancing with Blonde Girl (2)
10:15: Dancing with Rachel
10:18: Dancing with Jasmine
........
12:00: Dance ends, we head out to Rachel's and lay around. Debate watching a movie and decide it would be more fun to sit on Rachel's bed and talk, which it was.
1:20: Josh heads home and we head to Wallgreen's to get food for Jasmine.
1:25: We leave Wallgreens, everyone has bought food, except Jasmine.
1:35: We arrive at Washington Park where we swing on the swings for a while and talk some more before some cop arrives and asks our ages and such and informs us the park closes at ten, we act surprised a Rachel's somewhere around 2:10.
2:15: We arrive at Rachel's and I drop everyone off before heading home and passing out.
11:30: I wake up to 11 text messages in my inbox...
I don't even know what to say about last night, I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it, my friends are awesome and so was Prom. A night I won't forget.
“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."
-Jon
Saturday, May 31, 2008
A Familiar Buzz
Tonight is Prom. Fun right?
We have no plan, we have no goals, it's just one night of shear spontaneity and spur of the moment urges. I've got a nice car with which to pick everyone up, a suit, a tie and plenty of time to take it all off. I guess I have done it again, played the "innocent Jon" role.
It's weird to think that at some subliminal level I do alter my personality to my environment. Running start kind of gave me a fresh start with a new group of friends, none of them know anything about me, I control their opinions of me to the exact details. Someone nick-named me "Virgin Jon" last week... I laughed rather hard... inside. I've played the "innocent Jon" role and it's actually leading to some conflicts as people find that some of their friends outside of the circle I have created know me, and about me, or at least have heard rumor's. I've been opening up to pretty much everyone who asks from there now. Yet I still withhold the things that would damn me in their eyes. Of course there are those of you who would say my friends should love me for who I am. But am I really that? Am I? I've shed my past personality as a snake sheds its skin, leaving behind the old shell of a man that was me to find the softer inner-core of my potential being. There is still work to be done, refining of the soul, before I will be all that I can. Though I doubt there is a limit to the potential greatness of any man.
I've recently begun to like girl. She's not much different from most girls, though she aims to be. It's an honorable idea to try to break the bonds of conformity, it's another thing entirely to find the strength and insight within yourself to do it. You can't just be different or act different, you must think different. You have to look at the common features of the human personality and find its error's, it's tendencies, and then you must break them. The 'rules' were made to be broken.
She's fun, but I believe I make her nervous. She stares at her feet much of the time when she's around me, and talks little. She appears to lack the confidence that is my favorite of traits. We've kissed, but that's it. I'm getting rather attached to her and I don't understand why because she is rather... afraid of commitment. I find that I'm in a predicament for disaster and I know she's gonna break my heart, but I still stay in this position. All common sense is screaming at me "GET OUT", while I sit and say, "She's worth the risk." She said to trust her, and that she wouldn't hurt me, but she still does, and probably without conscious decision to either. I asked her last night if we were friends, and she said yes. She is amazing though, love spending time with her I just don't know if it's the best thing for me right now. But I will keep going with it, there's been no major problems and I am quite the patient person. It's amazing what liking someone specifically can do to a man's mind, and how much it can hurt.
-Jon
We have no plan, we have no goals, it's just one night of shear spontaneity and spur of the moment urges. I've got a nice car with which to pick everyone up, a suit, a tie and plenty of time to take it all off. I guess I have done it again, played the "innocent Jon" role.
It's weird to think that at some subliminal level I do alter my personality to my environment. Running start kind of gave me a fresh start with a new group of friends, none of them know anything about me, I control their opinions of me to the exact details. Someone nick-named me "Virgin Jon" last week... I laughed rather hard... inside. I've played the "innocent Jon" role and it's actually leading to some conflicts as people find that some of their friends outside of the circle I have created know me, and about me, or at least have heard rumor's. I've been opening up to pretty much everyone who asks from there now. Yet I still withhold the things that would damn me in their eyes. Of course there are those of you who would say my friends should love me for who I am. But am I really that? Am I? I've shed my past personality as a snake sheds its skin, leaving behind the old shell of a man that was me to find the softer inner-core of my potential being. There is still work to be done, refining of the soul, before I will be all that I can. Though I doubt there is a limit to the potential greatness of any man.
I've recently begun to like girl. She's not much different from most girls, though she aims to be. It's an honorable idea to try to break the bonds of conformity, it's another thing entirely to find the strength and insight within yourself to do it. You can't just be different or act different, you must think different. You have to look at the common features of the human personality and find its error's, it's tendencies, and then you must break them. The 'rules' were made to be broken.
She's fun, but I believe I make her nervous. She stares at her feet much of the time when she's around me, and talks little. She appears to lack the confidence that is my favorite of traits. We've kissed, but that's it. I'm getting rather attached to her and I don't understand why because she is rather... afraid of commitment. I find that I'm in a predicament for disaster and I know she's gonna break my heart, but I still stay in this position. All common sense is screaming at me "GET OUT", while I sit and say, "She's worth the risk." She said to trust her, and that she wouldn't hurt me, but she still does, and probably without conscious decision to either. I asked her last night if we were friends, and she said yes. She is amazing though, love spending time with her I just don't know if it's the best thing for me right now. But I will keep going with it, there's been no major problems and I am quite the patient person. It's amazing what liking someone specifically can do to a man's mind, and how much it can hurt.
-Jon
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Been Awhile
Life has been...
I don't know how do describe it lately. Stressful is the only word that comes to mind.
Last Tuesday I didn't come home from the drive-in until somewhere around the region of two in the morning. Normally this kind of behavior would bring upon me a punishment in the vicinity of "we'll talk later". But in this case it was a school night, thus I do not have a car or computer or anything else fun for that matter.
On the plus side I delivered one of the best speech's of my life yesterday, Theodore Roosevelt's Post Presidential Life and Influence. I was dressed up and everything! And yes, this is in the class I mentioned earlier.
Work has been interesting. Finally taking a few calls on my own and such, it's not half as easy as it sounds, its weird. People call in with problems, all they know is "my Internet doesn't work" or "I can't get my email" and I have to take that one sentence that tells me next to nothing and find the source of the problem, which would be easy except for the fact I can see nothing of how they are set up. How do you fix a problem when you can't see it? You have to make the person needing help, help you solve it; a vicious circle of sorts. You have to fix the problem in your mind while they do all the work. It's hard to creatively think like that.
"Knowledge is a destination. Truth, the journey"
-Jon
I don't know how do describe it lately. Stressful is the only word that comes to mind.
Last Tuesday I didn't come home from the drive-in until somewhere around the region of two in the morning. Normally this kind of behavior would bring upon me a punishment in the vicinity of "we'll talk later". But in this case it was a school night, thus I do not have a car or computer or anything else fun for that matter.
On the plus side I delivered one of the best speech's of my life yesterday, Theodore Roosevelt's Post Presidential Life and Influence. I was dressed up and everything! And yes, this is in the class I mentioned earlier.
Work has been interesting. Finally taking a few calls on my own and such, it's not half as easy as it sounds, its weird. People call in with problems, all they know is "my Internet doesn't work" or "I can't get my email" and I have to take that one sentence that tells me next to nothing and find the source of the problem, which would be easy except for the fact I can see nothing of how they are set up. How do you fix a problem when you can't see it? You have to make the person needing help, help you solve it; a vicious circle of sorts. You have to fix the problem in your mind while they do all the work. It's hard to creatively think like that.
"Knowledge is a destination. Truth, the journey"
-Jon
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Just Another Thursday
Today was just another Thursday.
I was out late on Tuesday. Really late, at least for a school night. It all started with another one of my trips to the drive-in. College students get in for 5 dollars tonight, got the normal crowd; Josh, Jasmine, Tamara, Cassi, Grant, Ryan, Matt, Nick, Ivana, Rachel, Seth and some others.
Cassi, Dana, Grant, Ivana, Jasmine, Josh, Matt, Nick, Rachel, Seth and Tamara for you OCD people.
At first we were just sitting around waiting for the movie to start, much later then normal due to dusk becoming later and later. I however was oblivious to this force of nature and had told my father I would be home by ten. Everyone piled into my car, Seth's car and Matt's truck as we go in. Once were in we sit around forever, literally forever, or maybe not but it was damn close.
8:35ish: Arrive and finish my one and only 2 liter of Fanta.
8:45: We manage to get 12 people into the back half of my Jeep, not quite a world record but getting there, were not quite midgets.
8:55: Attempt to out sprint Ryan, he barely wins, not bad for being stuffed full of orange drink.
9:00: Previews begin. Everyone crams into my car and try's to get some decent seating, there is not enough decent seating to be had.
9:10: I am crammed between Jasmine and Tamara, Josh is crammed against the side of the car while being half under Jasmine. Tamara is crammed against the wall to my right. Dana is barely sitting on the edge of the trunk, knees up, looking rather uncomfortable with Cassi mirroring her until she finally gives up and moves to the ground.
9:50: Dad calls and insists I come home.
10:00: Dad says I'm in trouble but I can stay and that I shouldn't put myself in such a position where people depend on me when I need to leave.
I don't know when the next movie started but practically everyone left when it began. I was still there and so was Tamara. Sat around watching movie with Ryan hopping in and out of the back of my car. Numerous sitings of a very drunk Matt and hist very drunk friend Davin. They all insist they are not drunk, which is quite easily the worst kind of drunk besides violent. I was a mix of both, thats why I no longer drink.
If:
Bad drinking stories > Good drinking stories
And:
You value your close relationships with friends and girlfriends.
Then:
Stop drinking.
It's rather simple math.
I got home around one from watching the second movie, way too late for a school day, thank God I have some friends that I can text at anytime of the day to talk about things. Some of you are amazing.
Alcohol is the cause of many of life's problems, yet many choose it as the solution.
-Jon
I was out late on Tuesday. Really late, at least for a school night. It all started with another one of my trips to the drive-in. College students get in for 5 dollars tonight, got the normal crowd; Josh, Jasmine, Tamara, Cassi, Grant, Ryan, Matt, Nick, Ivana, Rachel, Seth and some others.
Cassi, Dana, Grant, Ivana, Jasmine, Josh, Matt, Nick, Rachel, Seth and Tamara for you OCD people.
At first we were just sitting around waiting for the movie to start, much later then normal due to dusk becoming later and later. I however was oblivious to this force of nature and had told my father I would be home by ten. Everyone piled into my car, Seth's car and Matt's truck as we go in. Once were in we sit around forever, literally forever, or maybe not but it was damn close.
8:35ish: Arrive and finish my one and only 2 liter of Fanta.
8:45: We manage to get 12 people into the back half of my Jeep, not quite a world record but getting there, were not quite midgets.
8:55: Attempt to out sprint Ryan, he barely wins, not bad for being stuffed full of orange drink.
9:00: Previews begin. Everyone crams into my car and try's to get some decent seating, there is not enough decent seating to be had.
9:10: I am crammed between Jasmine and Tamara, Josh is crammed against the side of the car while being half under Jasmine. Tamara is crammed against the wall to my right. Dana is barely sitting on the edge of the trunk, knees up, looking rather uncomfortable with Cassi mirroring her until she finally gives up and moves to the ground.
9:50: Dad calls and insists I come home.
10:00: Dad says I'm in trouble but I can stay and that I shouldn't put myself in such a position where people depend on me when I need to leave.
I don't know when the next movie started but practically everyone left when it began. I was still there and so was Tamara. Sat around watching movie with Ryan hopping in and out of the back of my car. Numerous sitings of a very drunk Matt and hist very drunk friend Davin. They all insist they are not drunk, which is quite easily the worst kind of drunk besides violent. I was a mix of both, thats why I no longer drink.
If:
Bad drinking stories > Good drinking stories
And:
You value your close relationships with friends and girlfriends.
Then:
Stop drinking.
It's rather simple math.
I got home around one from watching the second movie, way too late for a school day, thank God I have some friends that I can text at anytime of the day to talk about things. Some of you are amazing.
Alcohol is the cause of many of life's problems, yet many choose it as the solution.
-Jon
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Regionals
It all started on a Friday.
Woke up early and panicked as I frantically tried to pack my bags for the trip. I arrived at the school at 7:30, right on time, barely.
*Commence mass boredom*
I spent the morning riding in a cold suburban with two lethargic people, who normally aren't all that entertaining anyways. Its like alcohol and Vicodin, they work as multipliers. My best form of entertainment was flailing my arms wildly when passing semi's to see if I could get them to honk. Which didn't work once. I finally arrived at Spokane and started warming up for my first match.
No amount of warming up would have prepared me for this though.
Whitman Huff.
This kid is insane. Nearly a perfect match skillwise to Troy Zerowski. So as you could guess I got destroyed, but I expected to lose that one, so it wasn't too bad. Scores were 6-0 6-1, I was rather proud of myself for pulling off one service game in the second set.
Shitty Kid.
This kid was shitty. Nearly a perfect skill match to shit itself. So as you could guess... I played worse then shit. I don't know what happened here. This kid was one of the kids where on any given day (except this one apparently) I could have taken him 6-0 6-0, easily. The amount of effort it would have taken would be too small to measure. Today I just couldn't hit though; couldn't focus, couldn't think, couldn't win.
And thus I was out of the regional tournament.
Spent the evening searching for this restruant, Cyrus O'Leary's, quite the akward enviornment, so many random decorations, one of which I was completely absorbed in. It was stuffed human sort of thing, with really long arms and legs and a clown hat. It hung from a bar on the ceiling and as the bar rotated it would lift so it would hang above the bar and do a front flip over it; this was repeated for hours, but I was on enough painkillers that it was the most awesome thing ever.
After dinner we headed to laser tag, it is so akward trying to explain my use of "Thermie" as my code-name for the game, honestly how few of my friends don't know that? Yes, I'm that nerdy. The game commenced, rather dumb that the lasers dont have a range of more then 30 feet or so, I mean their lasers, why only 30 feet!? I got 13th out of 31 people, not bad for my first attempt ever, I'm rather confident that I could get first from here on out, just took some getting used to. You wouldn't believe the limitations of lasers. Got confronted by some bum afterwards, wanted money for gas to get to Colville, I really doubted it, let the coach handle it while I went back to the van.
Got back to the room and stayed up till 2:30AM in the girls room watching Robin Hood: Men in Tights and swapping personal stories. A day full of tennis and staying up late would not be the best combination, as I discovered the next morning. I woke up to the felling of two girls jumping onto me on my bed, both were decently hot, my first thoughts if summarized and organized would look something like this, in the same order:
"Fuck.... Who did I sleep with..."
"Shit... I have no clothes on... must hold blankets over body..."
"Wait... I know these girls... fuck Jon... you better not have slept with someone you know..."
Finally my mind cleared and I realized Clint was in the room with me so most likely nothing happened, memory of the night before flooded my mind somewhere around breakfast which I ate with Tats. (Pronounced 'Tots') We hung out at the hotel a bit and left to watch the girls finals matches. Not too fun to watch.
Girls tennis is innately boring to watch; it's slow, it's redundant, it's FULL of drama. It's more like a bad soap opera then a sport. Nicole finally finished and won regionals, so that left us with 3 girls and 1 guy going to State.
I rode home in the girls van sharing a Ipod with Tats and everyone bummed pillows and blankets off me. Got home at six-ish and went swimming at the park, minus the swimming part. Ran into Ryan and some other guy there, hung out briefly and went home and passed out. Literally passed out on my bed. Later I went to a movie with Tats and hung out a bit.
This weekend was amazing, yet horrible, this weekend was a contradiction, as much as I love to point out that those don't exist. I guess in reality they don't and can't, but metaphorically? Metaphorically they do.
"A contradiction cannot exist in reality. Not in part, nor in whole. Everyone knows this."
-Jon
Woke up early and panicked as I frantically tried to pack my bags for the trip. I arrived at the school at 7:30, right on time, barely.
*Commence mass boredom*
I spent the morning riding in a cold suburban with two lethargic people, who normally aren't all that entertaining anyways. Its like alcohol and Vicodin, they work as multipliers. My best form of entertainment was flailing my arms wildly when passing semi's to see if I could get them to honk. Which didn't work once. I finally arrived at Spokane and started warming up for my first match.
No amount of warming up would have prepared me for this though.
Whitman Huff.
This kid is insane. Nearly a perfect match skillwise to Troy Zerowski. So as you could guess I got destroyed, but I expected to lose that one, so it wasn't too bad. Scores were 6-0 6-1, I was rather proud of myself for pulling off one service game in the second set.
Shitty Kid.
This kid was shitty. Nearly a perfect skill match to shit itself. So as you could guess... I played worse then shit. I don't know what happened here. This kid was one of the kids where on any given day (except this one apparently) I could have taken him 6-0 6-0, easily. The amount of effort it would have taken would be too small to measure. Today I just couldn't hit though; couldn't focus, couldn't think, couldn't win.
And thus I was out of the regional tournament.
Spent the evening searching for this restruant, Cyrus O'Leary's, quite the akward enviornment, so many random decorations, one of which I was completely absorbed in. It was stuffed human sort of thing, with really long arms and legs and a clown hat. It hung from a bar on the ceiling and as the bar rotated it would lift so it would hang above the bar and do a front flip over it; this was repeated for hours, but I was on enough painkillers that it was the most awesome thing ever.
After dinner we headed to laser tag, it is so akward trying to explain my use of "Thermie" as my code-name for the game, honestly how few of my friends don't know that? Yes, I'm that nerdy. The game commenced, rather dumb that the lasers dont have a range of more then 30 feet or so, I mean their lasers, why only 30 feet!? I got 13th out of 31 people, not bad for my first attempt ever, I'm rather confident that I could get first from here on out, just took some getting used to. You wouldn't believe the limitations of lasers. Got confronted by some bum afterwards, wanted money for gas to get to Colville, I really doubted it, let the coach handle it while I went back to the van.
Got back to the room and stayed up till 2:30AM in the girls room watching Robin Hood: Men in Tights and swapping personal stories. A day full of tennis and staying up late would not be the best combination, as I discovered the next morning. I woke up to the felling of two girls jumping onto me on my bed, both were decently hot, my first thoughts if summarized and organized would look something like this, in the same order:
"Fuck.... Who did I sleep with..."
"Shit... I have no clothes on... must hold blankets over body..."
"Wait... I know these girls... fuck Jon... you better not have slept with someone you know..."
Finally my mind cleared and I realized Clint was in the room with me so most likely nothing happened, memory of the night before flooded my mind somewhere around breakfast which I ate with Tats. (Pronounced 'Tots') We hung out at the hotel a bit and left to watch the girls finals matches. Not too fun to watch.
Girls tennis is innately boring to watch; it's slow, it's redundant, it's FULL of drama. It's more like a bad soap opera then a sport. Nicole finally finished and won regionals, so that left us with 3 girls and 1 guy going to State.
I rode home in the girls van sharing a Ipod with Tats and everyone bummed pillows and blankets off me. Got home at six-ish and went swimming at the park, minus the swimming part. Ran into Ryan and some other guy there, hung out briefly and went home and passed out. Literally passed out on my bed. Later I went to a movie with Tats and hung out a bit.
This weekend was amazing, yet horrible, this weekend was a contradiction, as much as I love to point out that those don't exist. I guess in reality they don't and can't, but metaphorically? Metaphorically they do.
"A contradiction cannot exist in reality. Not in part, nor in whole. Everyone knows this."
-Jon
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