Selfish? I could never be anything less.

I have done nothing this week. Nothing at all. I have awoken every day at twelve. I have gone to bed every night at two. I have sat around the house reading page after page in book after book. It's just another phase I think; a phase of thinking. It's what I am thinking about that's really different though.

Normally I would lay here awake at night and think about what happened today and yesterday and a few months ago. Mostly a few months ago, I miss it sometimes.... No... I don't miss her, I miss what she brought to my life. Hours of MCS, Jack's Mannequin, The Rocket Summer and Yellowcard have derailed my train of thought and flung it back to the tracks, but in the opposite direction. My day dreams are of tomorrow. I am not content to do this forever, finally I have a plan, thought vague, it provides the motivation I need to actually give school some effort. And as for relationships....

I almost asked a girl out a few weeks ago. I liked her a bit, not much, but I don't know her too well. It wasn't so much that I liked her at first sight, but at the first words I ever heard her speak. She looked... fragile, almost. But above the fragility there was determination, that brushed it aside once it founds it's own footing. Hands trembling, tears rolling down her face, her voice faltering at the thought of some distant memory. She wasn't speaking to the audience surrounding me, it was to me. I don't know when she figured it out, but she seemed to know that I knew exactly what she spoke of. Maybe the tears in my own eyes gave it away. I wanted to hug her, but that was out of the question, out of bounds for that moment.

I still know little about her. But as long as she demonstrates that strength of character that it must have taken to speak like that; to weaken herself and expose her heart, she will be a beautiful person in my book.

Before I forget.
Someone tried to throw my first rule at me last week.
I threw it back.
Story if you ask for it.

Night, Love

-Jon