So lets assume for a moment that lemonade is something bad, something you shouldn't make, drink or be involved with in anyway. Now let's also assume that Lemonade is the most addictive and appealing substance on the planet, as dangerous or wrong it may be, it is amazing to the consumer.
Now let's suppose one day Life looks at you and says, "Hey, lets give that guy a lemon and see what he does."
Could you, assuming the things above, not make lemonade?
Would you have the strength to overcome your desire to take the lemon and drink it? Would you be capable of setting it aside, for as long as necessary to overcome your desire? Or perhaps plant it and let it grow?
This evening I found I could.
I was given a shot at lemonade tonight and decided to wait it out. Lemonade is worth the time, right? The lemon is quite beautiful, enticing, but I think I am making the right choice, as great as lemonade is, I think I am beginning to prefer the company of this lemon.
Perhaps in the end, after planting this lemon, culturing it, caring for it and letting it grow; I can have both my lemon, and my lemonade, and that is definitely worth waiting for.
-Jon
Monday, June 9, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Circumscriptive Existentialism
I feel that this week contained many more then seven days, the past three have felt like weeks in and of themselves. My mind stretches the time as I stress and panic about school, life, friends, love. Too many things have gone wrong this week, my future is tearing itself apart because of my lack of direction in everything. I've given a lot of thought to what I want to do lately, and it is still too soon for me to choose a direction I want to go in. This is going to be what I make it at some point, but for now it's too early.
Relationships are complicated in the simplest of details. The smallest thing can become the largest trivial argument, the most important things can be brushed off, never to be dealt with. I don't understand what it is that drives humans to be so backwards in their emotional logic. You cannot let your emotions in any way dictate your actions, rash action is never the answer.
Existentialism seems to be my ideal for this week. I can make of my life whatever I want to make, I can do anything I put my mind to, I control my own destiny. This would all be true except for the interference of the monarchy which is my parents. Last night I came home rather late, somewhere in the vicinity of the three o'clock hour. Needless to say I'm now grounded but I guess I can try to make the most of my time while I'm stuck at home.
And as for last night...
This 'dance', if you could call it that, was rather boring. Spent a great deal of time sitting and drinking punch and giving lap dances to Justin. That's how bored I was. Danced with some random people, but mostly the normal crew. After the dance we headed to Christian's to go hot tubbing only to discover that in our great planning process we had acquired a few more people then the hot tub could hold, so.... we left. Headed back to the house that Tamara house sits for on the weekend and hot tubbed there. Just Matt, Tamarra, Rachel and I.
Hot tubs have so many stereotypical things that happen in them, and we decided to follow this rule and play some truth or dare, the official hot tub game. Well there were two girls and two guys, so all hell broke loose. I think things proceeded in this order over the next few hours.
Me Truth: Told the story of my "first time."
Matt Truth: What really happened with Rachel Quick.
Me Dare: Kiss Matt.
Matt Dare: Give me a lap dance. (I dared him to do that one)
Rachel Truth?: Can't remember this one.
Jon Dare: Get naked and dance in the yard.
Somewhere in there Tamarra arrives.
Tamarra Truth: Will you go out with me? (Matt asking)
Tamarra: No.
Jon Dare: Receive a hickey from Matt, anywhere on my chest. (I refuse and get naked in the yard again instead)
and on and on and on.
It ended and I head home late and arrive to unhappy parents. Grounded.
Grounded.
I mean my parents... they punish me, completely understandable; learn my lesson, move on.
People outside punish me as well, as weird as that sounds.
Not to say its unfair, I do very much enjoy being punished.
“Men simply copied the realities of their hearts when they built prisons"
-Jon
Relationships are complicated in the simplest of details. The smallest thing can become the largest trivial argument, the most important things can be brushed off, never to be dealt with. I don't understand what it is that drives humans to be so backwards in their emotional logic. You cannot let your emotions in any way dictate your actions, rash action is never the answer.
Existentialism seems to be my ideal for this week. I can make of my life whatever I want to make, I can do anything I put my mind to, I control my own destiny. This would all be true except for the interference of the monarchy which is my parents. Last night I came home rather late, somewhere in the vicinity of the three o'clock hour. Needless to say I'm now grounded but I guess I can try to make the most of my time while I'm stuck at home.
And as for last night...
This 'dance', if you could call it that, was rather boring. Spent a great deal of time sitting and drinking punch and giving lap dances to Justin. That's how bored I was. Danced with some random people, but mostly the normal crew. After the dance we headed to Christian's to go hot tubbing only to discover that in our great planning process we had acquired a few more people then the hot tub could hold, so.... we left. Headed back to the house that Tamara house sits for on the weekend and hot tubbed there. Just Matt, Tamarra, Rachel and I.
Hot tubs have so many stereotypical things that happen in them, and we decided to follow this rule and play some truth or dare, the official hot tub game. Well there were two girls and two guys, so all hell broke loose. I think things proceeded in this order over the next few hours.
Me Truth: Told the story of my "first time."
Matt Truth: What really happened with Rachel Quick.
Me Dare: Kiss Matt.
Matt Dare: Give me a lap dance. (I dared him to do that one)
Rachel Truth?: Can't remember this one.
Jon Dare: Get naked and dance in the yard.
Somewhere in there Tamarra arrives.
Tamarra Truth: Will you go out with me? (Matt asking)
Tamarra: No.
Jon Dare: Receive a hickey from Matt, anywhere on my chest. (I refuse and get naked in the yard again instead)
and on and on and on.
It ended and I head home late and arrive to unhappy parents. Grounded.
Grounded.
I mean my parents... they punish me, completely understandable; learn my lesson, move on.
People outside punish me as well, as weird as that sounds.
Not to say its unfair, I do very much enjoy being punished.
“Men simply copied the realities of their hearts when they built prisons"
-Jon
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Sunday
I woke up at eleven thirty today.
That's the kind of Sunday that it started out to be.
I rolled out of bed and crawled to my closet clawing as high as I could to reach a shirt and some pants to wear, I found some socks on the floor. Last night really sucked the energy out of me. It's like my body left its headlights on when it went to sleep and I woke up drained. I managed to get down stairs, this involved a lot of falling and leaning on things. In the kitchen I found some pizza and I plopped it in the microwave, part of this complete breakfast. I don't understand the chemical make up of pizza but I guess it contained enough calories to pull me out of my stupor. I spent the rest of my morning and early afternoon lounging in front of my computer making music.
Making music is much harder then I ever thought, but at the same time very rewarding even during the journey of a song's creation. I don't know what I'm gonna title this thirty second masterpeice yet, I think I need to be more creative and write the rest of it later this week. Maybe throw in another instrument or two. I'll host it somewhere soon for anyone that wants to hear it. It's not long, and not great, but it's getting there.
After the music-making fun I switched to eating and watching a movie. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels has got to be one of the best classic comedy's every written, and Steve Martin is amazing. I could not stop laughing, especially at the parts where he plays Ruprick the retarded younger brother with a fixation for pots, pans and a deep fear of genital cuffs.
Somewhere around six I decided to drop by that girls house and hang out. Which I did. Arrived there earlier then expected and got the usual run down from the father, brief lecture and such. We headed back to the car and drove off with no particular destination in mind, which meant we ended up at the park. At the park we decided to take a walk, I had parked at the ice rink and we headed to the Lynden Tree Area. We chatted about daily life, friends, parents, I have a thing for small talk. We held hands, probably one of the three best feeling in the world. So much is symbolized within such a simple act; Trust, Comfort, Guardianship, Solace, Love.
We walked to the Lynden Tree Area and walked off behind the brush, into the tree's and open grass, hidden from view of the path. I layed on my back and the grass, staring at the sky while she played with grass and we talked about life, random stuff. Nothing important, but nothing trivial. I roll over and lay an arm across her back while she continues to play with the grass. I lay my head down as I listen to her speak. She moves closer to me and I pull her in with my arm and she struggles jokingly, we keep talking and pushing eachother around and I end up on my back with her kneeling beside me. She references how smooth her legs are today and I graze my hand over one of them; if you have ever swam with a dolphin and touched one, thats how smooth and soft her legs are. She extends one leg over me and sits on my lower abdomen, one leg on each side of my waist. Her wait is on my waist and I feel great as we sit and talk, my arms rest on her thighs while she stares down at me and we talk. She rests a hand on my shoulder and leans in and kisses me, soft, warm, her lips are full and soft, perfect, and she's getting good at using them. She breaks the kiss and leans up and we sit and talk more and more. She climbs off me and we lay in the grass and I stare at her as she fiddle's with some blades of grass.
She has grown in the last week, not physically of course, but emotionally. Today she is confident, she is open, no nervous staring or fidgeting. She looks me in the eyes, she speaks confidently, she takes control when necessary. I think at last I am beginning to see the real her, what she's like in her natural state of being.
We both kneel up and I face her as we talk more and I sit on my ankles. We play a bit with eachother as we talk and I eventually push her down on her back and sit on her as she had done to me. We talk a bit more and I grab her arms and lean down on her, pushing her arms above her head and into the grass, she closes her eyes in anticipation and I stop, hovering there for seconds, which seem like hours, she opens her eyes and looks at me, my face inches from hers. She wants it, but I'm forcing her to wait. She squirms beneath me, I laugh and press my lips to hers and loosen my grip on her wrists, we kiss, and kiss until I am out of breath and lean up from her. Lifting my leg around, I roll off her and onto my back in the grass again, we lay there until we realize what time it is and we head off, back to the car, hand in hand. We head back to her house and I let her change my radio station presets as we sit ourside her house in the car. She doesn't want to get home till exactly at eight, so we sit and talk for twenty minutes or so. I lean over and kiss her goodbye before she walks back into her house. I drive home, not daring to change the radio station from the one she had chosen.
I work more on my music for a while before writing here, it's coming along slowly, but it's getting there. Today is amazing, she is amazing. What better way to spend the rest of my evening then listening to Smash Mouth and talking with her. Happy music for a happy man? And what is the reason for this happiness?
She is the reason.
“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence"
Night,
-Jon
That's the kind of Sunday that it started out to be.
I rolled out of bed and crawled to my closet clawing as high as I could to reach a shirt and some pants to wear, I found some socks on the floor. Last night really sucked the energy out of me. It's like my body left its headlights on when it went to sleep and I woke up drained. I managed to get down stairs, this involved a lot of falling and leaning on things. In the kitchen I found some pizza and I plopped it in the microwave, part of this complete breakfast. I don't understand the chemical make up of pizza but I guess it contained enough calories to pull me out of my stupor. I spent the rest of my morning and early afternoon lounging in front of my computer making music.
Making music is much harder then I ever thought, but at the same time very rewarding even during the journey of a song's creation. I don't know what I'm gonna title this thirty second masterpeice yet, I think I need to be more creative and write the rest of it later this week. Maybe throw in another instrument or two. I'll host it somewhere soon for anyone that wants to hear it. It's not long, and not great, but it's getting there.
After the music-making fun I switched to eating and watching a movie. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels has got to be one of the best classic comedy's every written, and Steve Martin is amazing. I could not stop laughing, especially at the parts where he plays Ruprick the retarded younger brother with a fixation for pots, pans and a deep fear of genital cuffs.
Somewhere around six I decided to drop by that girls house and hang out. Which I did. Arrived there earlier then expected and got the usual run down from the father, brief lecture and such. We headed back to the car and drove off with no particular destination in mind, which meant we ended up at the park. At the park we decided to take a walk, I had parked at the ice rink and we headed to the Lynden Tree Area. We chatted about daily life, friends, parents, I have a thing for small talk. We held hands, probably one of the three best feeling in the world. So much is symbolized within such a simple act; Trust, Comfort, Guardianship, Solace, Love.
We walked to the Lynden Tree Area and walked off behind the brush, into the tree's and open grass, hidden from view of the path. I layed on my back and the grass, staring at the sky while she played with grass and we talked about life, random stuff. Nothing important, but nothing trivial. I roll over and lay an arm across her back while she continues to play with the grass. I lay my head down as I listen to her speak. She moves closer to me and I pull her in with my arm and she struggles jokingly, we keep talking and pushing eachother around and I end up on my back with her kneeling beside me. She references how smooth her legs are today and I graze my hand over one of them; if you have ever swam with a dolphin and touched one, thats how smooth and soft her legs are. She extends one leg over me and sits on my lower abdomen, one leg on each side of my waist. Her wait is on my waist and I feel great as we sit and talk, my arms rest on her thighs while she stares down at me and we talk. She rests a hand on my shoulder and leans in and kisses me, soft, warm, her lips are full and soft, perfect, and she's getting good at using them. She breaks the kiss and leans up and we sit and talk more and more. She climbs off me and we lay in the grass and I stare at her as she fiddle's with some blades of grass.
She has grown in the last week, not physically of course, but emotionally. Today she is confident, she is open, no nervous staring or fidgeting. She looks me in the eyes, she speaks confidently, she takes control when necessary. I think at last I am beginning to see the real her, what she's like in her natural state of being.
We both kneel up and I face her as we talk more and I sit on my ankles. We play a bit with eachother as we talk and I eventually push her down on her back and sit on her as she had done to me. We talk a bit more and I grab her arms and lean down on her, pushing her arms above her head and into the grass, she closes her eyes in anticipation and I stop, hovering there for seconds, which seem like hours, she opens her eyes and looks at me, my face inches from hers. She wants it, but I'm forcing her to wait. She squirms beneath me, I laugh and press my lips to hers and loosen my grip on her wrists, we kiss, and kiss until I am out of breath and lean up from her. Lifting my leg around, I roll off her and onto my back in the grass again, we lay there until we realize what time it is and we head off, back to the car, hand in hand. We head back to her house and I let her change my radio station presets as we sit ourside her house in the car. She doesn't want to get home till exactly at eight, so we sit and talk for twenty minutes or so. I lean over and kiss her goodbye before she walks back into her house. I drive home, not daring to change the radio station from the one she had chosen.
I work more on my music for a while before writing here, it's coming along slowly, but it's getting there. Today is amazing, she is amazing. What better way to spend the rest of my evening then listening to Smash Mouth and talking with her. Happy music for a happy man? And what is the reason for this happiness?
She is the reason.
“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence"
Night,
-Jon
Prom
Spent most of yesterday evening cleaning out the car and getting prepped for Prom. Somewhere around 7:15 I left for Rachel's house where we all met for pictures and such before dinner, which was at Applewood Grill by the Convention Center.
8:15: Arrive at the Applewood Grill and we are seated rather quickly.
8:30: Shoot a rubber band at the waiter just because it was there.
8:45: Finish eating my salad... with my fingers because they didn't give us any forks. This guy isn't getting a tip.
8:50: Josh is feeling sick, cramps and possibly a fever because he's feeling cold so he heads outside for a bit.
9:30: Food arrives, along with forks this time. I may tip the waiter after all.
9:45: After much running and holding up of dresses we arrive at Prom and enter, I shake somewhere in the realm of a billion hands, and I got a hug from Claire. I take off my jacket and leave it on a chair, unbuttoning my shirt a bit and loosening the sleeves and loosen my tie before I head out.
9:45: The dance floor is literally packed with people, I force my way into the heap, shaking hand after hand as I go until Tamarra and I are somewhere in the middle.
*Commence Dirty Dancing*
9:45: Dancing with Tamarra
9:48: Dancing with guy from History Class
9:52: Dancing with Blonde Girl (1)
9:55: Dancing with Mitch (Yup)
9:58: Dancing with guy from History Class again
10:02: Dancing with Brunette Girl (1)
10:06: Dancing with Karen
10:08: Got water
10:12: Dancing with Blonde Girl (2)
10:15: Dancing with Rachel
10:18: Dancing with Jasmine
........
12:00: Dance ends, we head out to Rachel's and lay around. Debate watching a movie and decide it would be more fun to sit on Rachel's bed and talk, which it was.
1:20: Josh heads home and we head to Wallgreen's to get food for Jasmine.
1:25: We leave Wallgreens, everyone has bought food, except Jasmine.
1:35: We arrive at Washington Park where we swing on the swings for a while and talk some more before some cop arrives and asks our ages and such and informs us the park closes at ten, we act surprised a Rachel's somewhere around 2:10.
2:15: We arrive at Rachel's and I drop everyone off before heading home and passing out.
11:30: I wake up to 11 text messages in my inbox...
I don't even know what to say about last night, I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it, my friends are awesome and so was Prom. A night I won't forget.
“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."
-Jon
8:15: Arrive at the Applewood Grill and we are seated rather quickly.
8:30: Shoot a rubber band at the waiter just because it was there.
8:45: Finish eating my salad... with my fingers because they didn't give us any forks. This guy isn't getting a tip.
8:50: Josh is feeling sick, cramps and possibly a fever because he's feeling cold so he heads outside for a bit.
9:30: Food arrives, along with forks this time. I may tip the waiter after all.
9:45: After much running and holding up of dresses we arrive at Prom and enter, I shake somewhere in the realm of a billion hands, and I got a hug from Claire. I take off my jacket and leave it on a chair, unbuttoning my shirt a bit and loosening the sleeves and loosen my tie before I head out.
9:45: The dance floor is literally packed with people, I force my way into the heap, shaking hand after hand as I go until Tamarra and I are somewhere in the middle.
*Commence Dirty Dancing*
9:45: Dancing with Tamarra
9:48: Dancing with guy from History Class
9:52: Dancing with Blonde Girl (1)
9:55: Dancing with Mitch (Yup)
9:58: Dancing with guy from History Class again
10:02: Dancing with Brunette Girl (1)
10:06: Dancing with Karen
10:08: Got water
10:12: Dancing with Blonde Girl (2)
10:15: Dancing with Rachel
10:18: Dancing with Jasmine
........
12:00: Dance ends, we head out to Rachel's and lay around. Debate watching a movie and decide it would be more fun to sit on Rachel's bed and talk, which it was.
1:20: Josh heads home and we head to Wallgreen's to get food for Jasmine.
1:25: We leave Wallgreens, everyone has bought food, except Jasmine.
1:35: We arrive at Washington Park where we swing on the swings for a while and talk some more before some cop arrives and asks our ages and such and informs us the park closes at ten, we act surprised a Rachel's somewhere around 2:10.
2:15: We arrive at Rachel's and I drop everyone off before heading home and passing out.
11:30: I wake up to 11 text messages in my inbox...
I don't even know what to say about last night, I thoroughly enjoyed every bit of it, my friends are awesome and so was Prom. A night I won't forget.
“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."
-Jon
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