Circumscriptive Existentialism

I feel that this week contained many more then seven days, the past three have felt like weeks in and of themselves. My mind stretches the time as I stress and panic about school, life, friends, love. Too many things have gone wrong this week, my future is tearing itself apart because of my lack of direction in everything. I've given a lot of thought to what I want to do lately, and it is still too soon for me to choose a direction I want to go in. This is going to be what I make it at some point, but for now it's too early.

Relationships are complicated in the simplest of details. The smallest thing can become the largest trivial argument, the most important things can be brushed off, never to be dealt with. I don't understand what it is that drives humans to be so backwards in their emotional logic. You cannot let your emotions in any way dictate your actions, rash action is never the answer.

Existentialism seems to be my ideal for this week. I can make of my life whatever I want to make, I can do anything I put my mind to, I control my own destiny. This would all be true except for the interference of the monarchy which is my parents. Last night I came home rather late, somewhere in the vicinity of the three o'clock hour. Needless to say I'm now grounded but I guess I can try to make the most of my time while I'm stuck at home.

And as for last night...
This 'dance', if you could call it that, was rather boring. Spent a great deal of time sitting and drinking punch and giving lap dances to Justin. That's how bored I was. Danced with some random people, but mostly the normal crew. After the dance we headed to Christian's to go hot tubbing only to discover that in our great planning process we had acquired a few more people then the hot tub could hold, so.... we left. Headed back to the house that Tamara house sits for on the weekend and hot tubbed there. Just Matt, Tamarra, Rachel and I.

Hot tubs have so many stereotypical things that happen in them, and we decided to follow this rule and play some truth or dare, the official hot tub game. Well there were two girls and two guys, so all hell broke loose. I think things proceeded in this order over the next few hours.

Me Truth: Told the story of my "first time."
Matt Truth: What really happened with Rachel Quick.
Me Dare: Kiss Matt.
Matt Dare: Give me a lap dance. (I dared him to do that one)
Rachel Truth?: Can't remember this one.
Jon Dare: Get naked and dance in the yard.
Somewhere in there Tamarra arrives.
Tamarra Truth: Will you go out with me? (Matt asking)
Tamarra: No.
Jon Dare: Receive a hickey from Matt, anywhere on my chest. (I refuse and get naked in the yard again instead)
and on and on and on.

It ended and I head home late and arrive to unhappy parents. Grounded.
Grounded.
I mean my parents... they punish me, completely understandable; learn my lesson, move on.
People outside punish me as well, as weird as that sounds.
Not to say its unfair, I do very much enjoy being punished.

“Men simply copied the realities of their hearts when they built prisons"

-Jon