Fears

I have, in the last eighteen years of my life, come to the conclussion that everyone has fears. No matter what face someone may show you, what lies they may tell, they all fear something. I guess it wasn't until... sometime yesterday evening, that I discovered one of mine.

I have some of the more standardized fears. Among others are tight spaces, heights, snakes, spiders and a few I have trouble remembering until they occur. Death too. I fear this greatly, seeing it would be the end of my life and my existence, neither of which I want to lose. But the one I found yesterday I did not expect to be afraid of so much... losing at love.

So recently I have become more and more involved with a beautiful young girl. A girl I, at first, didn't believe I could ever deserve. Somehow she pulls out the best in me and makes me want to be "that guy" that's right for her. But that was just the beginning. As the last few months have gone on I merged these new characteristics into my personality and found I like who I am becoming, and so does she. So here I am, at the peak of my life so far, and not alone at it. She has helped me climb my mountain of challenges, and it hasn't been easy all the way. No relationship is perfect, most will encounter some sort of problem occasionally, if not frequently.

No two people are perfect for each other, many people often look at their parents and see that they get along without problems the majority of the time, if not all of it. And seeing this they say I want to wait for someone who will be my match like that... Relationships that are nearly perfect that are not 'found', they are built. People that are close enough where conflict rarely occurs have only gotten there by enduring conflicts in their past, and learned from them.

Last night I had far too many sleepless hours to think of whats happening lately. I'm scared. For myself, for her, for us.

"It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does."

-Jon