Never

I rotate the handle slowly and push gently with my shoulder, I move quickly inside the frigid room. I switch off the lights as the door gently closes behind me, the lock clicks shut beneath my fingers. The lights of the city shine through the fog and the window, far in the distance. The wind whistles through the trees outside and the house shudders, I close the window quickly and shut the blinds. Darkness. The dim blue digital clock is the only source of light. It illuminates my room with a soft semi-luminescent glow. I fumble across the carpet to my nightstand.

She pauses only to brush away the strands of blonde hair that have fallen across her face before returning to the task at hand. Her fingers fumble as she tries to place the small marshmellow on the hook in the darkness of the early morning. Gently, waves lap against the dock as the three of us sit with our poles. My best friend reclines behing her in his chair watching the horizon. The sun slowly rises over the tree line casting out the shadows of the early morning and filling the lake with a transparent blue. The air is warm, the red-streaked morning sky is cloudless, the water is calm, and so are we.

I find the edge of my bed and reach over to turn on the lamp, light fills the room and I am blinded temporarily, I pull back the blankets and sit down, exhausted from the busy day. Deftly I slide off my pants and shirt and crawl slowly into bed. The room is dark, and I am alone.

Together we row slowly across the crystalline lake. The water ripples in the light breeze as we travel in our small tin raft. It wobbles under the weight of the three of us. The sun is high in the sky, it's brilliant rays caressing every inch of the water. We stop paddling in silent agreement that this is the place, the water is warmer here, and clear-blue to the lake floor. She looks at us as if to say, "you first", and we slide off our shirts and slip into the cool water. We face away from her long enough to let her change. She splashes in beside us, soaking my hair and getting water in my mouth. She emerges from her dive behind me, laying her head back she lets herself float to the surface on her back, relaxed, thats what this place is all about.

I lay my head back on my pillow and close my eyes, the blackness of the room envelops me and I am left with my thoughts, of how, and why. Today was a long day between school and work. Not much time to stop and smell the roses, not much time to just relax, and think. But now I can't stop thinking about her, I sigh as more thoughts run through my head, all of them of her.

I dash out the screen door to catch her, which I do quickly; she had stopped to smell some unknown purple flower. We follow the path around the lake, winding and turning through the light foliage. Birds chirp softly in the trees as we walk. We follow the shore for awhile, walking over beached logs. She talks of how fun the weekend has been, how beautiful the lake is, how much she will miss it. About how she wishes life could always be this surreal, how she wishes that we could have a life like this continously, not just once a year. I whisper to her, telling her when were older we can come here, as much as we like, just the three of us, if we like. She smiles.

Never; such a very long word, and it's all that rings through my head. I will never see her again. Her face clouds my mind, the scenes of our last time together suffocate me. It truly hurts me to remember, but I know that it would only hurt me deeper to forget. She is gone now, far from here, dead. But she still lives in my memory, still breathes in my dreams. She plays tennis, she runs, she dances. All I have left to hold on to is an image, a picture frozen in my mind, of that last beautiful smile. That is all I need, to get me through the long nights. Finally, my mind can take no more, I drift to sleep, to dream; to dream of what we had, and what we lost.